He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
