As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
