I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
