so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
