So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Randomize
