Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
