So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
