I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
