She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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