you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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