There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
