mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
