I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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