Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
