I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
