i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
