She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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