We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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