Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
