marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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