i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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