my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
