at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Congratulations! We have a period
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
