Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
