hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
