What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
