so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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