You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
