I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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