after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
