I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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