Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
