well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
