White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
