I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
