do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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