So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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