Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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