It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
