he told me I talked like a deaf person
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
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He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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