He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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