Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
