ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
