I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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