I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I am available for nakedness
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
