he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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