what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
