Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Bring me that man meat
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
