She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
