I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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