Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
