Will you blow on my dice?
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
