One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
