so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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