I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
