Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize