We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Boobs are out for the taking
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
