Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
