Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
