I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
