I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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