My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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