i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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