I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
