I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
