i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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