Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
