No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
