Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i came on her dog
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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