I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
