Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
