I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
