He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
