Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
