I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
