hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
