tell your sister to shave her snatch
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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