Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So vagazzling was a success
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
