end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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