I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
