mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
