whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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