i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
