if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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