Just fell off a train. Bad.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
