she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
