new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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