How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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