He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
