We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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