I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
